I decided I needed a place- thus this blog- to process the random thoughts about my beautiful 4 year old daughter's schooling. She is a neat kid, but she is faced with a few minor challenges. She is active and smart, social and stubborn, caring and independent. Those traits are pretty run of the mill four year old traits. Being raised bilingually and having problems with her vision are just two of the many ways which make her stand out in a room of her peers. Those are the two aspects that concern me most as we consider her schooling options.
First, I can barely believe my baby is turning five this summer and is eligible to attend school in the fall. That in and of itself is a hurdle this mama needs to overcome. Who said she could grow up this fast? Where did my baby go?? So the dilemma I am pondering today is whether to send her to school next year; or if we should wait another year.
As a teacher, I use to think it was never a bad idea to wait a year. I have seen so many children who weren't quite ready for kindergarten struggle and lose precious moments of their childhood in the high stakes testing world our schools have too often become. When I was a kindergarten teacher I vowed that when I became a mommy I wouldn't force her into academics and that I would allow her grow and enjoy her childhood at her own pace.
As a mom, I still believe that mantra I wore so proudly on my teaching sleeve- but there is something else there. Something I didn't expect and something quite frankly I am a little ashamed to even admit. Somehow I became that mom I shook my head at as a teacher, the one who wanted her baby to be the best. The one who wasn't quite happy if her child performed average or if anything wasn't up to par- even when many other things were.
Don't get me wrong, I know Emma is talented and very smart, but some things are not on par with her peers. Her gross motor skills are still in the range of normal, but nowhere as advanced as many of her friends. Much of this has to due with her vision problems- I know this. Emma has a perfectly normal right eye- it sees beautifully; but her left eye is considered legally blind. She is currently undergoing patching therapy which is helping retrain her brain to accept signals from the low vision eye. The good news is it is helping, the bad news is not as quickly as the doctors would have liked to see. Thus, her depth perception, which understandably relates to her gross motor skills, is less than stellar.
Emma's speech is another area of concern. She is a very verbal child who has a wide vocabulary in both English and German. However, not everyone can understand what she says, which can be a frustrating experience for all involved. She still struggles with her "f" sounds (along with other fricative consonants), which is still considered normal- but once again as she nears the borderlands of what is normal and what is not- I worry. Many people would write off her speech issues on her being bilingual, but the research doesn't necessarily agree with this time honored myth. It is a research base I have become engrossed in and one in which I am currently writing my doctoral thesis about. Yet, as knowledgeable about education and bilingual language development as I may be- research somehow doesn't seem to apply when it is your own kid.
On the other hand, Emma can write her name, knows many of her beginning and ending sounds, loves to rhyme, can follow directions (at least when she is interested and in the right mood :), has fairly good one to one correspondence for her age and is socially ready to be engaged with her peers.
So the question remains- Do we jump ahead knowing Emma may face a few more challenges than some of her peers, or do we simply wait until she is six and go from from there? I am torn between honoring her childhood and honoring her abilities to move forward if she is indeed ready. Who would have thought these choices would be so hard for a mom who has studied education, especially at the early childhood level, and who has taught for 10 years? What are your thoughts?
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I think it's my limited education background that is making these choices so hard! In the beginning waiting a year was what I was pretty sure I would do. I didn't have my husband's support on that since he has an August birthday and then started Kindergarten right away. Now that the time is close, I think that perhaps the best thing to "fix" the small quirks that are perhaps holding him back would be the structure and social environment of kindergarten. Academically, he's right where he should be, behaviorally he probably is too based on the feedback I hear from the people who are around him when I'm not (based on what I see at home, he needs about five years to catch up ;)).
ReplyDeleteI have decided a long time ago Ethan will probably not ever be the "perfect" child in a room of his peers- whether academically or behaviorally, but he also won't be the "worst" child either (but I am pretty sure always unforgettable) :) As long as he falls within that range, I have to take off my Mommy-special-protective-gear and let him sort through the rest. They grow better away from us (I totally agree with Alison above)- and we have to give them that opportunity. Mommies are too comfortable to force change- despite our best intentions. Good luck sorting through!!
ReplyDeleteWow! I am flooded with emotions and thoughts. My "wise self" says, "Wait, think about this. Respond when you have all your thoughts in order." Yet, I find my fingers moving across the keyboard.
ReplyDeleteInteresting that my thoughts move more towards my daughter than my grandaughter (Emma)...my daughter who is trying to be the best mom she can be. I'm sitting here with tears running down my face. I want you, Erin, to know that you are the best mom. I am so proud of how you love, care for, stimulate, discipline, and play with Emma. You and Joe have given her the gift of a lifetime...loving parents who love, play, fight and struggle to help her grow and become the best she can be.
Emma and school...I don't know the right answer. I know that I, as a child, might have been categorized as bright, talented, a bit shy, and usually near the top of my class. I'm not sure it was a positive experience in a life-long sense. It wasn't until I was willing to be second-best that I began to understand myself as who I am rather than who others think I am or should be. I sure don't blame my mom. I don't know how it happened. It just did. My mom stood by me when many turned their backs...during my "I don't have to be perfect" phase. So...being "the best" may not be all it's made out to be.
I'm quite sure this epistle isn't "perfect" (hooray...I made it!) nor does it answer the question about Emma and school. Maybe there isn't a "right" answer; there's only the best answer we can think of. I'll keep thinking and invite dialogue in writing or in words. You and Joe will figure it out...that I am confident of.
Life is a series of steps forwards and backwards. The forward steps seem positive and rewarding, but perhaps it's the backward steps that really help us learn and grow. So, maybe there is never a "wrong" step. Hmm...I'll have to think more about that one! Grandma Mary Ann
Ditto to the "WOW" from Grandma Mary Ann.
ReplyDeleteMy initial thoughts are that the decision to enter into parenthood should be a thoughtful process, and that being a parent is a stressful, but rewarding job. Your primary role should be to provide for your child's health, safety and welfare. You and Joe have done a marvelous job and are great parents. Also, you know that you have a tremendous support system surrounding you that we will be there at your beckoned call, so, with that said....I'm certainly no expert in these matters, but my advice is to not over analyze, do the best you can and let the rest take care of itself. And whether you send Emma to school this year or next, you'll always be the most important part of her life, as she will your's. Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment. Love you.